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Original | Translation: meh-konnyaku
 Don't eat it!
The English call condoms "French letters".
The French call condoms "The English Cloak" (la capote anglaise) What's with these low jibes at each other (laugh). T/N: English version of that news article. As for the second link... it's a site with a list of sexual euphemisms in Japanese. I, uh, did not go look for an English equivalent. ■Extra■ >>Thank you for your hard work, Lord Demon King lol Ah, good job to you too, France nii-san! Everything here is a treat for my eyes! I didn't think that Germany would dress up in a maid's outfit lol. What gracious words, merci~. I've overexerted myself today with all the fooling around I did. My neck is creaking. This is somewhat bad. Well, my waist is always like this so it's okay I guess!
When I was thinking about Germany I thought that he is like Italy; he's goes around naked quite often so I chose to dress him in a maid's outfit. Ah, I laughed so much. Cat ears are good! >>Thank you for that Japan photo at the end~ (*´∀`) I like France nii-chan, I love you! But England's my number 1 (*´ω`) When I was peeling off his kimono, I thought it was something I would have to unwrap and roll off him but unexpectedly, the cord around his waist came off easily. I was a little disappointed.
I was looking forward to getting a surprise at the end of the long unwrapping process. As expected, I came in second... Although I've got used to it after today... >>To France nii-chan. I had a lot of fun today! April Fools' with France nii-chan is the best! (＊≧∪≦)ノ Actually, I was all restless today because I'm starting work tomorrow and I feel anxious but I was cheered up by France nii-chan. Seriously, thank you so much, France nii-chan! I'll work hard from tomorrow! Also, thank you for your hard work today. Please rest, holding with a bottle of wine in your hand while gazing at the Eiffel Tower or something like that (laugh). Please send the the person behind this my thanks for his hard work too o(_ _*)o Anyway, April Fools' banzai! There is no other person behind this! ...It's something I had always wanted to say*.
Work huh. Me too, every time I have a new boss they'll selfishly do what they want. There were so many times when I wanted to run away to Holland's house and become a NEET. Working is tough at any time and age. I am happy too if you are cheered up by my invasion. Shall I give you the bottle of wine I had in reserve? T/N: A reference to the manga Utsurun Desu by Yoshida Sensha. >>Thank you for your hard work! I wanted you to strip the other baltic nations and the allies too.  I wanted to strip more people too but if I made a move near Russia or Switzerland, something scary will happen...
Safety first! >>Thank you for your hard work, France nii-chan. I am sending you my thanks via carrier pigeon. By the way, what is covering nii-chan's vital regions? A rose...? Germany's cosplay and that picture of Japan at the end had my heart throbbing! They're so sexy! Aah, it is a rose from my backyard.
I'll be arrested if I go out just as I am. I have to cover my vital regions. Thank you for your kind words. >>...France nii-san.... You even extended your reach to Japan-kun? I'm happy but... Turkey... Nii-san! Run! Ah, won't you take me with you? I love Japan too. But I'll have him see us off in his kimono ? I-I will probably be alright...
When push comes to shove, I have no choice but to strip Turkey too... Yeah, I'll be fine. It'll be fine since it's me, it'll be fine since it's me... >>I want to be part of your territory too. The moment you think that you're already mine.
>>Hima-san~! Thanks for your hard work today~! For the whole day today I was hooked on the internet, lured in my France oji... onii-san! I had a lot of fun~! This is probably the first time I had such a fun April Fools' Day. *^^* Next year, please do visit Russia-sama...! Well then, please try not to push your body too hard~! I love you~! Kya~! (runs away) I am the one who should be thanking you for cheering me on right to the end.
Must I really go to Russia's place next year? Can I handle him...? >>I had the best April Fools' Day today thanks to you, France onii-sama! I really enjoyed myself today. France onii-sama, I love you from the bottom of my heart. I also love the Lord Demon King more than France onii-sama. But please don't harm your body. Please don't push yourself too far. Eh~! So I am second after all! (laugh)
I'll pass the message on to him. It's good to break out of the norm during April Fools'. >>France-san~, I love you~~ After Japan, that is... (eheh) I can do nothing but laugh now... hahaha...
>>France nii-chan I love you the most! Yes! This is what I've been waiting for! I love you too.
>> England as a half-naked butler... Germany as a maid with cat ears... Huh~? (・△・？) Could this be, they are a P A I R (☆△☆)sparkle~ ♪♪ Or not, right?! ...I just had that thought (*´∀`*) Aah, they do match, don't they?
I would like to them both to come obediently to my home dressed that way but that's probably impossible. >>Thank you for all these dreams and your love... Thank you for your hard work in these 24 hours... Please take care of yourself...! I was naked for 20 out of these 24 hours so I might have caught a cold. If I did I want you to nurse me back to health ☆
>> Hello. I had a shock when I saw the banner but I'm used to it now. I had a full course French meal yesterday in honour of this. P.S. Thank you for seriously making an effort for the environment by turning off the lights at the Eiffel Tower.  That's right! Be gentle to the ladies and be gentle to the earth- that is my motto! (Well, I do have some economic troubles too.)
Please savour the full course French meal. >>"As long as his face is at least as good as England's". That means England is included too, right?  Aah... no, no. His face is alright. I quite like his child-like face but on the inside, he is not good. Not good at all.
>>Name: Japan My whole body (the servers) might be filled with sexual harassment but if you don't behave yourself I won't lend you any more manga or anime. I will forbid cosplaying too. I have my own private source if it comes to that!
But Japan's anime is good after all. However, I won't stop my sexual harassment. >>I'm sure you've watched it many times with your boss, Monsieur Chirac, but I wonder what you think of sumo wrestling, where adult men wearing nothing but a fundoshi slam into each other? Is it within your scope of interest? If it is, I would like to attend a match with you next time. After that, I would like to treat you to a Japanese meal. If they are macho men with beautiful bodies, I can watch for hours because they are a treat for my eyes.
To have naked men slamming into each other... Aah, Japan is wonderful. >>Firstly, I love you France nii-chan! But I like Italy more! I love Italy! So please sexually harass Italy more, nii-chan. I want to see a cute Italy (＊´ω｀＊) (The usual Italy is already so cute!) Alright. I'll do it!
Today is my day after all! Even the time for me to deal the butt fondling of justice on the pissed-off England, Germany and Austria has come. >> Name: Japan To my beloved France-sama ...France-san... What are you doing... Just now you were right before my eyes, in the nude, wearing that special item known as cat ears and racing around the place... I earnestly hoped that it was just my imagination. If not, I will have to stop all exports of manga to you and submit a request for cooperation to America-kun and England-san. Stop! Or else I'll cover that naughty mouth of yours ☆
Furthermore, anyone will think that I look cute with cat ears me. >>What are your hobbies, France nii-chan (＊´∀｀＊)? If possible, please tell me what they are other than manipulating information. I like agriculture, fashion design, sketching and telephones.
Besides that, I like wondering around the art galleries or the boutiques in Paris on my days off and just relax there. I like the places that are just a little odd or a little chic. >>Hello, France-san. Today is April Fools', so I can unreservedly say that I like you. If you have time, please answer my question. Is Turkey a guy or a girl? Or are they a fairy? Eh, so that means you're lying?! Is it a lie?!
Ah, Turkey... I don't like him because he's always after Europe. Hmm, I think he's probably a guy. I don't really remember. >>Name: England Thick eyebrows are a man's romance! You should shave off your stubble, bastard! Next time I'll be the one invading you!  Huh, is there romance in that?
No matter how you look at it, it only looks like an overgrowth. Next time I'll be going to strip you so wait for me! >> Please go all out and invade just for today! I love you, France nii-chan, but if you're with England, I love you a thousand times more! Huh, so you're saying that it's me (1) x England (1000)?
I am one in a thousand. Hmm, it sounds like poetic, how cool. >>Name: Russia I'm going to your house now. Please be prepared. I'm sorry for getting caught up in the heat of the moment...
>>By the way, what type of guys do you like, France-san? Please tell me. Let's see. Firstly, he must have an exquisite body and he must give me a pleasant impression. Personality-wise, it's all good as long as he is no worse than England.
>>Name: Prussia More importantly, hand over Alsace-Lorraine. You beast! This is why I hate Germans!
>>Name: Spain Hey France, whatcha doin'?! Ah, nothing... hahaha... Sometimes we need to take a break... right?
>>P.S. What is 'tachi'? Is it a relative of yours? This onii-san here loves pure and innocent children like you.
T/N: 'Tachi' and 'neko' are terms similar to 'seme' and 'uke'. ...That's all I have to say on this matter. >>Name: England 'sup, France. You're as lovely as always, aren't you? My delicate heart has always been troubled over a certain matter. Even so, I held it back! But I can't hold it in anymore. I won't go back tonight until I've said it. I love you, France. That is all. You're a fake, right?! Tell me you're a fake...!
>>Please allow me to ask you a question. In the Dream United Kingdom strip, were you trying to write England's name under 'wife' or 'husband'? About that... no comment...
I wrote his name under 'husband' by mistake... >>Bonjour, France! This may be sudden, but I love you! Your classy dirty jokes...! No matter what you do, it's always about dirty jokes. But that's what I like. Please continue to tease England. Please also have a pervert showdown with Korea (laugh). "It's always about the dirty jokes"... that's mean (laugh).
Well, it is true that I often have have erotic events about developments of strange erotic implements. But England's even worse! He's even holds wank-a-thons. T/N: Relevant news article in English. >>France nii-chaaaan! I love you! Please invade to your heart's content! I totally want to be part of the French territory! By the way, I read in a book that French people fall in love due to the other person's body odour, what do you think about that?! What scent do you like? (＊´д｀＊) Let's see. I think a faint, flowery scent would have me curled up in pleasure. In the first place, the person has to look pretty to make a good impression. By the way, is your heart part of my territory?
>>I was laughing throughout your invasion and unthinkingly sent you some love via pigeon mail. Honestly, I am sorry. I love you quite a lot, France-sama, but I don't want to get near you because your scent of your perfume seems overbearing. I will love you from afar. Regarding the Hundred Years' War, I like Edward the Black Prince more than Jeanne d'Arc. I love France so much that when I learnt about the Order of the Garter, I think "Why is this England's legend?" No! I don't even want to think of that era's England...!
Why did he have to be so fiendish then? I only use a little perfume so come closer and love me. It's really not smelly... >> I always enjoy following your activities from the front of my computer screen, France. You get along well with England, don't you? When I see the two of you interacting, I can barely contain my laughter. I think it's a tough job being responsible for the lives of so many citizens. Please continue to work hard. I will cheer for you from this far-away island country. Eh, no, no, I have a rotten bond with that England!
We're often together because our homes are close to each other's... Yes, yes, it is quite tough being a nation. Our bosses are often bandy that catchphrase around. We can't retire either... Your cheers are encouraging, merci! >>To think that I would be able to send mail to France-san...! Your personality is becoming more and more cracky since you first appeared (laugh) but somehow you have the spirit of an older brother so you look like someone I can feel safe with. You pretend that you have a twisted heart but I think you're actually quite a decent person. Ah, please teach England how to make friends. I know right! I am totally like the whole world's older brother after all! You can rely on me for anything...
About England, he is the type that finds it hard to talk to people he's meeting for the first time so it's not easy for him to make friends. It's a miracle that he became friends with Japan. >>Damn it! I was planning to never send you a mail my whole life but I've just overturned my policy because of you, France nii-san! Please bear the responsibility for this! Alright, I'll bear the responsibility and marry my junior of to your home. He's a punk but please take care of him.
>>France-san! I love you! I love you lots! But I like England too! Please do your best today! But don't beat up England, okay?! ^^ Am I a set with England...
Well, as long as you say you like me I'm happy. Talking about that, the sound of the bagpipes are getting noisy. >>Do your best, France~. All the fangirls are your allies. By the way France, which country do you like? Are they any countries which you are interested in? I'll be happy if you quietly tell me everything. With lots of love, from a certain mademoiselle. The Italy brothers are cute. They look cute, but on the inside... It's just like with Austria.
Lately, I've been interested in Japan. >>I choked when I saw the main page invaded by France. I love you. I love you. If I write that repeatedly will it become a love letter? But I don't think Hungary will stay quiet after you invaded Austria's vital regions, will she? Even if it's you, will you be okay if she hits you with her frying pan? No matter what, France banzai...! Even I will be in trouble if she hits me with her frying pan.
Austria's really cute, both his looks and actions. But on the inside... it's no go there. What a waste. God is so unfair. >>Ah, ah, I like you. Please remain as you are. Even if you remain as you are, or if you change for the better, or even if you run out or money, I will still love you. It's true. Well, even after a hundred years I am still me and I think I will be like this for a while.
Ah, but I think I'm more suited to agriculture then fighting now. Hmm, have I grown old? >>France... I have a reservation for the top floor suite room at a hotel for tonight... Let's make it a passionate night tonight.
>> Kyaaaaaaa! France! (laugh) Erm, I love you! Please marry me! I've always thought that if I were to have a wedding, I'll have a different one.
Something like skydiving in the Alps while wearing my wedding attire (laugh). Aah, but I don't want to be like Russia nor do I want to land in Switzerland so let's just do it normally... >> It's just like France nii-chan to poke fun at even the small details! By the way, how powerful is your crotch beam? Will you show us how Domremy was during Jeanne's time? I wonder if I can buy France's nude photo book. As long as there is love, there will be an one and only nude photo book of France engraved in your heart.
As for my crotch beam... it can reach the heavens ☆ >> Do your best with your invasion, France! Remember Napoleon! Napoleon did a lot of things but this...
Aah... Russia's scary Russia's Scary Russia's scary... Russia's scary Russia's Scary Russia's scary... brrr... >>France nii-chan, it's okay! Even though you say that you get horrible treatment as an essential character, I think your presence is strong so you don't have to worry! In fact, I think you're delicious! (This is actually a compliment! orz) Your voice is also wonderful! It's okay! (This is also a compliment) ...That's right! I'm awesome!
Even if I flash my naked ass and cover my front with just a leaf, the fact that I'm awesome remains unchanged... Yeah, that's it, right...? >>I would like to know your secret story with Jeanne d'Arc! Once I start the story I'll need five days to finish it...
>>Hello and good evening! I've always enjoyed visiting this site but when I saw that France ojisama had taken over this place, I sent a mail without thinking! I love that dangerous atmosphere when you were with Austria-sama, France ojisama. Could it be you are jealous because you like Hungary-san too? I address Austria with a 'sama' but for some reason I call you ojisama, I'm sorry! But I love you! I'll be cheering you on! Hungary-chan is cute but she's also scary in a different way from Russia...
I'm still lively and energetic, okay (laugh) Though calling me 'ojisama' is not too bad! >> France-san, France-san. I'm pregnant. Without a doubt, the baby is yours. Please acknowledge it. This is definitely a product of France. Please don't just put this aside like you do with your wine. Wh-Who are you...?! Who?!
Are you Marianne?! Jennifer?! I'm really sorry about that time... >>I wonder which part is France-san's vital regions?! I would love to invade it. You will first need a massive firearm called love to do that.
>>Firstly, I want to say that I love you, France onii-sama! Please invade all you want now! By the way, since you said it's not sexual harassment but love, does it mean that what you did to England-san is love too? Eh, no, that is...
Hmm... it's like saying 'Je t'aime' to him just to piss him off! Or rather, I just want to piss him off! >>Wow, France-chan is the best, haha. Please quarrel with England-san lol. Please always be strong and upbeat lol. I'm always strong and upbeat so don't worry.
Or rather, I'm "up" at the moment! Someone save About England, I will bring him down one day. >>Bonjour ? France-san. I have a question. Is it good for your health to sleep naked? That's right. I normally sleep in a ready-for-war way so I can be prepared for any beautiful men or ladies who may pounce on me.
>>F-F-France nii-san~! I just got back and something this great has happened. I was surprised. Please work hard on updating this page. I'll be cheering you on. I'm looking forward to more ?. The Japan whom Greece likes is cute. (Greece is cute too) Japan is cute.
I cannot resist his small size which I can carry like a child. But recently I was selling the copies of the Japanese flag and had a lot of money with me but I was rejected completely. I can't win. >> France-sama is too cute. Please invade me too （・ω・´＊） I love you. I am cheering you on. I adore your stubble. Please take care of the lower half of your body. The lower half of my body is in tip-top condition!
So much so that I have been itching to do something these couple of days. I got a little lost today so which road should I take to reach your bed? >>Name: England Wha-What the hell are you doing?! Just stay quietly at home and do your farming, you bastard! Hahaha! You should go trim your eyebrows too.
I won't let you be the only one looking cool here! >> France nii-chan, I like you so much! I love you! As a solo character, you won't lose to even Russia-sama. I love you! Please continue to sexually harass other countries. Hahaha, that's not sexual harassment.
It's love, love. It's something like telephatic love born from skin-to-skin contact. Love is wonderful, isn't it? >> I just realised that you're unexpectedly quite a dandy. It's not unexpected. I am the dandy amongst the dandies.
>>I just realised that France is an ojichan. I had always thought that you were an oniisan orz. No, no! It's onii-san! Onii-san!
Onii-san! Okay?! It's onii-san! That 'ojisan' thing was just an April's Fools joke. Mmm, yes! It's an April's Fools joke! Haha... yes, that's right, it's an April's Fools joke... I am still young. Argh... my back is killing me... >>France nii-chan, I love you! Um, why don't you try being the neko sometimes? I'm always ready for you, haha! Meow~. There is no one more manly than I am...
Well, I'm the manliest one in the world so it's impossible in the first place. >>In the War of the Austrian Succession, England... really didn't do anything, did he? Hungary-san seems very strong-willed but she seems ready to die in that 'Let me kill him' panel (laugh). Aah! England is somehow extremely useless when it comes to matter not pertaining to himself or America.
Hungary-chan's strength when she's angry has no match. >>A few years ago, I was a wind instrument player in an orchestra and we performed the song "Under the Double Eagle". It's their song, isn't it... If I may be so forward, I would like to dedicate this song, from the me in the past, to the two of them! You should play "La Marseillaise"! La Marseillaise!
This song was composed in a day by an engineer who became a captain. Thanks to this song, a lot of volunteer soldiers were gathered. >> Are you good friends with Greece-san? Who are your friends? If you're talking about friends, I don't have many...
Times like this, that person's name will crop up, won't it? It's a rotten bond. Greece is like my senior when it comes to culture. I'm also turned on by his swarthy skin and muscled body. 
I'm sorry...
>>Hello, France nii-san! You're more shiny than usual today (laugh). It's great! I have a question. What do you think of Switzerland? He's scary. I don't even want to go near the Maginot Line.
>>Name: Greece Anyway, go put on your clothes first. But you like my body too~
>>I love you, honey~! You're not my number two, you're my number one! But England's the one I love second best. I love people from these two countries. France, so you like Italy the best after all? Why don't you try giving me half of that love? Let's not talk about halves, I can give you all my love and more.
So, why is England the one after me... I guess I am somehow connected to him after all. >>Hello, France nii-san. A few days ago, I received some French chocolates from my teacher who went there for her honeymoon. They were delicious. I know right! I don't stint on love even in making chocolates. That's my way of doing things. So of course it's delicious!
Compared to me, America and Australia think that all they have to do is heap sugar into the chocolate... >>This may be sudden, but I love you. I always want to be nearer to you but I don't like airplanes. Won't you move to a place near enough that I can reach you by train from Japan? That's a good idea. If I'm near Japan, I can go to Akihabara as much as I want. However, I like my current place so that request is an impossible one.
>>I totally choked and sprayed lemonade all over my PC (laugh). Mucus was leaking from my nose, tears from my eyes, I couldn't stop coughing or act normally... I wonder what this feeling is... Could this be love... Please try your best so you won't lose to England! I like England, but I'm cheering for you today, nii-chan! Are you okay after choking on your lemonade?!
Or rather, it must be painful since it's lemonade... Still, if that is what ties you to your love, all your joys and sorrows will be a good experience for you. It's my day today, so be sure to follow me, everyone! >>France nii-chan! I love you! By the way, right now the situation with Japan is Greece → Japan ← Turkey It's a tough situation so won't you do something with your power of love? (laugh) For example, Greece → Japan ← Turkey ↑ France Hey, hey, Japan's in a even tougher spot now (laugh).
Turkey's there so I'll hold myself back... >>When I woke up, I saw that France nii-chan was doing something amazing so I sent a love letter without holding anything back. I believe that France nii-chan's heart is closely covered by your stubble and your body hair, and if I push them apart I will see the word 'gentleman' written there. With lots of love. Hey, that's quite a disturbing mental image of my heart (laugh).
Well, that 'gentleman' bit is true though. >> Hello, France-san. Actually, I don't think nudity is very sexy, so I hope you will reach for the pinnacle of eroticism while fully-clothed next time. I also like the kind of eroticism where the person is clothed with just their important bits visible.
>> France-san, is there anything that you're scared of? Germany, Russia and an angry England. And computers.
Just typing out all this mail is bad enough. Aah, after this is over I'm definitely going to do some gardening. I'll also have wine early in the morning and take it easy. >> Teacher! There's a bump on my brother's head. I thought violence wasn't allowed! I didn't expect to be seriously invaded so I got a shock. When you said you were going to attack Hetalia... does that mean that you will be attacking the other Allies too? France oji-san is a gentle person so this is just a lie, right? The bump was because Romano suddenly got violent.
Romano was pretty good at first but because of his personality, even the tourists ran away. By the way, I only touched his butt. Thanks for the meal. Right now, I'm playing Bokosuka with with Germany and England. What should I do with them if I win? ■ I've finished replying ☆ ■ 
Bonjour! It's France onii-san.
I'm really exhausted after running amok for the whole day... Damn, I must be getting old. No, I'm still young! Yeah! Thank you for all the pigeon mail Right now, my room is amazingly full of carrier pigeons. What should I do now? Eat them? Should I eat them?! It's been awhile since I had such a long 24 hours. I want to throw a kiss to everyone who has been following me for these silly 24 hours but this oji-san here is at his limits already... I'm going to drink the rest of the night away. I had fun today with everyone following me! Please send me more pigeon mail the next time we get together like this. Je suis amoureux de toi! With lots of love from France. PS: Who should I strip next? T/N: And this is why France was so cruelly punished afterwards :D. This thing is so long ;A; and full of France-innuendo. I didn't finish translating all the messages and replies. I skipped those that were repetitive, ie those that went Kyaaa France nii-chan I love you please marry me!!!, sorry. Hope you guys enjoy reading this~
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